funkybunchjr
03-23-2006, 04:26 PM
Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carring a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise,
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your mone better, so that you may buy nicer clothers, and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where yo need to be and therfore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's note as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Toliet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toliet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toliet paper rool will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category."
Anyone caught smiling in the pictuure will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast Shake.
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carring a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise,
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your mone better, so that you may buy nicer clothers, and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where yo need to be and therfore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's note as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Toliet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toliet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toliet paper rool will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category."
Anyone caught smiling in the pictuure will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast Shake.